The gist of fire-lightning-mud-floods

More likely should have been titled "The gist of my bad side"

The word “gist” is described amongst other descriptions as “the most vital part of some idea or experience”. This makes a resonant sound for my forever questioning the following:

Why are certain parts of life so vital and others seemingly not? And why must one have the experience of certain things if most of it seems to hurt and confuse oneself and others most of the time?

A friend has bipolar. Those who know it will understand the havoc it can cause. And as it happened, I walked straight across a fragile field right into his precariously vulnerable space yesterday – by sending an email which made fun of mental hospitals...

At any other time he would have thought it a wee bit funny (not that funny at all?)

His honest reply to it, as usual direct, made me aware of how often we don’t consider the mere consequences of our acts. Some done unconsciously and others simply dumbly and not thought through properly. I’m sure we all have “off days”. More so when having to cope and live with a situation or condition which can sap the victim's energy or devoid a person of everything dear and near to him or her. And there are those sad times of the loss of those who were supposively friends but decided to turn the other way because they don't understand or simply decided they can't cope with anothers emotional or genetic problems...

I wonder if most of us could be border-lining something or other in an extremely fast paced world and life which we inhabit? Call it a genetic-pre-disposition and illness of modern times, if you like.

There was me and the other inhabitant of Acorn Cottage on Tuesday night, having a real spat with each other. Found a big fat tick on pup Bella after our supper and in the process of applying nail-varnish remover, cattle-antibiotics and all in order to get if off without its head stuck under her skin (no petroleum jelly and no spirits in the house to smother it) we really had a go at each other. Us. All peace flew out of the wooden door and windows with round-eyed pets checking us out uncertainly. Unfair to them, I know.

Imagine the forever-know-it-better telling the other know-it-better not to spray too much of that antibiotic because...because... With the other "know-dam-well-better" thinks the following: Well, marram can spray it forever on Harry-cat who forever is full of scabs from fighting other cats...

By now the other pissed-off-other-inhabitant flying off the roof and me thinking something in the line of: She is SO like our mother. So we carry on telling the other to get other accommodation with both of us nearly falling off our whooshing witchy broomsticks, sayingwe give a flying arse and that we don’t care a stinking rat for each other's wellfare...

And so on...

So life certain chuck stuff at all of us sometimes and it seems down at the bottom one always feel like the root of all evil...Because there are always drama where one is. Not funny really, if one admit this even to a sympathetic audience or my very understanding friend who suffers from annoying mood swings. I seem to ask the fairies why life seems to give others “mild” personalities getting on with others so easily whereas some like me are often a mess of “fire-lightning-mud-floods” when I know there is also this big capacity to love deeply and have empathy with the world and others.

I got so angry and as the murderer in Law & Order on TV got caught and very angry with the persecutor I actually felt sympathy for the culprit...How dangerous can this be for me and my future and the safety of others?

So maybe we aren’t all that stable after-all, even though it doesn’t have a scientific name yet. I don’t know if this will make anyone feel better - sorry if not. All I could say to my friend was to hang in there because he KNOWS that the blanket will eventually lift and he will be able to breathe again.

And at least none of us have been jailed yet...

Lesson? Most of the time it is a good thing to stand back, analyze a situation carefully and just maybe answer with silence (very-very tempting not to).