And this little piggie...

What a week it’s been - car trouble, men trouble and now WORK TROUBLE sure enough to drive anyone to bad men and lighting a match for that car...

I'm writing a deeply aggrieved record for anyone interested in understanding WHY I am free-falling head over heels into a deep one-way well of DEPRESSION. One which by far exceeds any speed limit or any other worldly depression that may right now be threatening civilizations good existence.

Ever worked back-to-back with a blond woman or plainly a B? Received ridiculous snobby-airy-fairy emails from this person? Mrs. B sent one that nearly had me in stitches with the contents so banally tactless that it made me think of a big black hole gushing with a lack of substance or finesse. She sent an email to her ordinary-pleb-infested-colleagues, prior to an event where our company will be exhibiting. Apart from the contents, her keyboard seems to malfunction in respect of formatting:

GENERAL GROOMING: General Grooming is of utmost importance as you are dealing with people throughout the day. I am sure you are all quite aware of the following tips listed below:
Make sure you have clean nails, and for the ladies, preferably polished (a French manicure always looks great – and you can do this at home)
Clean & tidy hair always looks good.
Make sure you do not overdo the makeup, which can give the wrong impression too.
Of course you will be smiling a lot, so please check that your teeth are spotless!
A great aftershave is a must for the guys & a great perfume for the ladies. (A touch up kit is always a good idea, once you have had your lunch)

Such garble... So I sent an email to everyone:

Just can't resist asking, but any rules with regards to WEIGHT – not too fat or too thin...? A French manicure sounds good. And I suppose The Company pay will pay too for teeth whitening?

Next thing, the MD felt the need to defend Mrs B's plea by this:

In reply to your e-mail. We only ask for a warm smile that the potential customer does want to step into our stand.This exhibition is “only” taking place for 3 days and we must get at least 100 visitors to the stand per day. This is our target and with a proactive attitude, a smile and a professional act on the booth we can achieve it. The advice/recommendation given in the e-mail from MRS B is unfortunately required, looking at some of the stand personnel one can see at an exhibition. I am however very confident that we are a team which will “shine”... and blah blah...

Hmmm. A good friend adviced that I let them know it was all meant to add a little humor to our droll existence:

Thank you for your reply. With regards to French manicures and Dentistry: It was meant as a ‘tongue-in-the-cheek’ reply. I’m not sure though that everyone understands that. The intention was to cast a little humor on the subject and not to be taken too seriously.......

I will have to fire my wicked sense of humor if it keeps dumping me in warm water.

Mrs. B discussed her unhappiness about my response with a colleague this morning. I don’t eavesdrop and directly asked why she does not discuss it with me. Clearly a big mistake – again. Madam was off on a shouting rant and nearly fell off her broomstick when I asked if she realize what a French manicure costs - home kit or not.

Such a common "ploert" I am, resorting to home kits (not).

Accused of being AGGRIEVED when in fact I was laughing in my sleeve and greatly HUMORED.

And now I am the pig in the story (office). It’s not too bad alone on this side, but perhaps someone could care to join on this cue... and save me from a droll humorless existence.

Lucky for some culprits it is almost weekend...