Knackered

I’m really knackered. Kapoet. Toast. Over-the-Wall... so I even borrowed this picture from the web...

Do you also feel how the gravitation powers of the earth and the moon are working in synchrony against your ability to keep your eyes open and focussed?

All due to year end functions. Such a grand affair. In my case I dreaded just the very thought of it this year, for many reasons which can’t be explained. I needed super-natural strength to get my bum out there at the restaurant this morning, to attend the year-end-breakfast ceremony.

It’s worse than family ceremonies, trust me.

Some others delightedly anticipated this eight o’clock palaver whilst I panicked about it for nearly three weeks. How to...how...how...howls.

It seems however, I found the cure to such extreme unwillingness to participate. Gone are thoughts of faked headaches or sick pets and I’d like to share the remedy here with you.

It works...up to a point.

Wake up, get a mug of hot ground coffee and take it with you into the bathroom. Swash on as much as you can while you take a blasting shower. Lather your hair only once with an ordinary shampoo but scrub your whole body hard with almond-salt or citrus and pour generous amounts of smelly stuff all over which will make you feel gorgeous.

Don’t worry, don’t worry. Don’t even worry much at all about your hair. Or what you’ll wear; just grab something out of the cupboards that looks like it’ seen an iron.

Have one more cuppa coffee, preferably in the garden where you watch normal life. All will be well. You’ll see. You may even be late for work today because classy people always arrive late.

Dispose of any left-over cold coffee and take half a calming or sleep tablet. Whichever of the two, but not both.

Get dressed now. Bind hair behind head with elegant pink rose. Who cares.

Go back to the kitchen, take out the big blue bottle and pour its contents liberally into a glass. Take your glass of wine to your room and complete the grooming business.

A good measure of wine works better than little. Trust me. Too little will have you back in the kitchen in no time and it tastes surprisingly refreshing so early in the day.

Important thing to remember: Brush your teeth, gums and upper mouth, under the tongue TWICE.

On the way out, remember to lock the door, say hello to the cats and give the dogs their bikkis.

Remember to put the car in reverse when you leave. Close the gate behind you and double check that the road is clear when you pull into the road. By now you feel more than ready, still gorgeous and amazingly calm. Close to chilled-out...

Take extra-strong spearmint while you drive to the restaurant – your dry mouth will need it as you can’t afford blabbering lisping when you make your grand entrance.

By the time you find a parking and walk towards the group (everyone there) you feel so chilled, you actually manage to radiate the broadest smile and still feel gorgeous. And you manage to get through breakfast and talk whilst sipping orange juice and earl-gray tea with toe-curling enjoyment.

Back at the office: Is an altogether different matter. Maybe the extra “sugar” and extra “milk” at home this morning did a lot of good, but now seem to be working more actively so as I feel really out of it.

Somebody help!

I’m so tired. Please pretty please can’t I lie down under my desk, curl myself into a little ball and sleep just for a little while or what?